You know the feeling you get when you jump off the seventh floor of speeding train and land on a soft pile of freshly carved pastrami, suffering only minor internal wounds and find a lucky penny after regaining consciousness? I’m sure you do.
Axe-swallowing is sort of like that.
Way back when, before the Ambulance Wars and the Great Flattening, we axe-swallowers were popular entertainers. You could find us at any lobcobblery, shelack-shack, or roadside salad bar in the country.
But those days are long past and dwelling on them swallows nothing. The axe you swallowed yesterday means nothing next to the axe you will swallow tomorrow. And in this day and age, tomorrows axe will be celebrated by few.
We do it now, not for fame, money, or even free lunch (though sometimes there still is that). No, we axe-swallowers just like swallowing axes.
Unlike sword swallowing (which is sadly still popular in some parts), we can legally chew the axes before swallowing. This sounds like it would make it easy, but acquiring strong enough teeth for it takes years of training. It is also balanced by the rule that the axe, once swallowed, may not be unswallowed. See if a sword-swallower can do that!
And now, my friends, sit still and I will tell you about my life.
[This, like other CfPUiSLs, may or may not eventually turn into a larger story.]