Stanislaw’s Burglarium: Introduction

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Hi, my name is Phedrec Lanchmallow and I am a burglar.

Isn’t that illegal, you ask? No, of course not.

It used to be, but now you just need a license.

I work for Stanislaw, the gentleman who opened the first burglarium in Boston after it was legalized. It doubles as a salad bar, which is what I do most of the time.

Do what? Make salads, of course. It is an unappreciated art form in our culture, taking years of grueling training to become good at it. Incidentally, I’m also skilled at making gruel, which I sell as a side-dish to the salads. Where was I?

Right, burglary. Saladsmanship may not get the respect it should, but legal burglary is misunderstood to the point where most people don’t know it exists. I intend to use this opportunity to enlighten and maybe even entertain this audience with a recollection of one my more memorable jobs.

If after hearing this tale, you wish to hire me for a burglary, salad, or dish of gruel, I will be back at the Burglarium. It’s just down the street from here, on the left.

Rice gruel

Rice gruel (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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