Worst Ideas #1: Blennard, the Fattest Porpoise


I wrote this story about two years ago and apparently I deleted it. It wasn’t really a loss, but since I’m now posting my worst ideas, I tried to recreate it. Please “enjoy” it:

Common porpoise

Common porpoise (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Once there was a young porpoise named Blennard. He didn’t have many friends because he couldn’t swim fast enough to keep up with the other porpoise children. Swimming fast is all porpoise children care about and Blennard was no different.

Blennard, unlike his peers, spent his free time eating slow fish. Everyone must eat, of course, but few ate as much as Blennard.

The more fish Blennard ate, the thicker his blubber grew and the more buoyant he became. Eventually, he found himself unable to dive to the depths at which his pod-mates played. Whether they wanted to be his friend no longer mattered. In fact, if they did, he didn’t want to be their friend. Being the fattest porpoise was now more important than anything.

Sometimes, the others would swim up to Blennard’s level in order to laugh at him. He was OK with this because it gave him a good opportunity to eat them. Soon, he was so blubbarious that he floated on the surface. His only problem then became the fact that he had no competition. What good was being the fattest when no one else cared?

The answer to this question came to Blennard in a dream. He did not tell me what it was, so you’ll have to guess.



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