The Chain Letter of Doom: Part Four: The Chain Letter of Exposition



The evil scheme seemed to be progressing as intended, but Archduke Eldwin Wollensak Ganache IX was bored, so he reviewed the checklist he had been keeping safe in his puppulent brain.



  1. Find human who likes pudding – X
  2. Adopt human and gain it’s trust – X
  3. Use evil powers to make human’s friends’ pets hide in its garage – X
  4. Use evil powers to create chain letter that modifies itself to suit my ever-changing desires – (in progress)
  5. Use chain letter to bring about steps 6-8
  6. Collect pudding in holes by river and turn it evil
  7. Turn humanity into mindless worshipers (of me)
  8. Regain true form and rule the world

He knew these steps by heart because he had followed them over nine hundred and ninety nine past lives already, with the exception of step eight.* Step eight required 1000 generations of evil pudding parties to work, and this time, it finally would. Reincarnating as an adorable puppy had been a great choice and he wished he had thought of that earlier.



The Archduke was so excited, he briefly forgot about the yummy dog-treats and walkies. And then he remembered that when he was god-king of all that was, he could have yummy dog-treats and walkies ALL THE TIME. Then he fell asleep.



raspberry pudding

raspberry pudding (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


*Most people don’t know this, but pudding in very large doses has powerful evil deification properties. This is very difficult to take advantage of, unfortunately, because you can’t simply eat it and become a god. You must amass an evil cult of 14 mindless human worshippers who must gather for an evil pudding party in your name one thousand times.




5 thoughts on “The Chain Letter of Doom: Part Four: The Chain Letter of Exposition

  1. Is there a checklist? Each evil worshiper checks in for each meeting? Is that how they know when they reach one thousand times? Or at time one thousand is there a surge of power? I feel like there’s a lot of organization needed here…


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