That New Coffee Shop That is Everywhere Pt3

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Hello again Coffeefans! I’ve been spending so much time at that new chain (what’s it called again?) that I might not be able to write about it objectively for much longer, so today, I’m writing from an old favorite place, Donkin Dünits. Their coffee is not nearly as good, so I sneak in my own precision-calibrated backpack brewer. I do still love their dünits, which remind of the coffee pilgrimage I made to Antarctica (the secret Coffeemecca)  one summer in high school. There is truly nothing like an authentic Antarctic dünit, but these are close.
Sorry for the digression, I am here today to answer reader questions and comments. These were mostly emailed to me or taken from the comment section below every post on this very Coffeefanblog:
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Oh Great Coffeefidel,
You are the best coffeeblogger on all the nets. You are clearly holding back much of your vast and cofficerent coffeeknowledge and that makes me sad. Why do you not teach us how to make the best coffee, which you obviously know how to make?
-Anonymous Bob
Thanks for the kind words, Anonymous Bob. It is true that I know the secrets of making the best coffee. I have been distracted lately, but I will get around to sharing them eventually, I promise!
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CF,
want to try n00 coffee shop
cant find it
is real????
-XR82777
I don’t know why you aren’t finding it, XR82777. There really seems to be one on every block in [city] and I know they have them in other places too. I read it on a sign in one of their shops (and the others too). I apologize for not giving you the name. I just can’t seem to remember it!
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How can I become a duck?
-GB
You cannot become a duck.
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Hi Coffeefidel,
I haven’t seen this new coffee chain yet, but you make it sound like a great place. What are the ceilings like? People never look up and sometimes there are some great things there.
-Ceiling Fan
That is a good suggestion, Ceiling Fan.  Will look at the ceiling next time and blog all about it! I’m thinking of going to one of their shops in another town next time, but it will probably be similar.
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Hey You,
I recognize your blogging style and I know who you are! You are Horseshoehenrik from the Horseshoefanblog that hasn’t been updated since 2015. The Horseshoesphere wondered what happened to you for ages until a rumor emerged that you had been kicked in the head by too many horses and were no longer mentally fit to blog. It’s good to see that the rumor was false! Welcome back.
-ShoeBetsy
Good detective work, ShoeBetsy. I indeed once blogged about horseshoes as Horseshoehenrik. Head-kickings by horses were the reason I stopped doing that as that rumor suggests, but I have recovered completely and now blog again! About coffee! I think it was drinking coffee that helped me heal the most. Do not worry about my health nor my ability to perceive reality! I am well! I am Coffeefidel!
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The moment we stop dripping is the moment that we start dying our teeth white in vain hopes of reversing the stain of truth
-vvorf
Yes, this is exactly what I have always thought on the subject.
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That New Coffee Shop That is Everywhere Pt 2

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March 14, 2018
Hello, Coffeefans! Welcome back to Coffeefidel’s Coffeefanblog, where I want to continue telling you about this new coffee shop chain that for some reason I can never remember the name of after I look away from the sign. They must have a really unmemorable name, but I’m happy to report they do know their coffee! The last time at the first location, I gave the barista my seven-page instruction pamphlet for making my cappuccino precisely like I do and she actually followed it! And this time, I was served by someone who made it exactly the same way! I thought she looked sort of similar too, but that must be my imagination. After all, purple eyed people are unusual so it’s easy to misremember any two as looking more like each other than they really do.
Anyway, the cappuccino was so good, I immediately decided to order eight more cups (not made all at once, of course. Cappuccino is only good for for 60 seconds at most).
It is a bit weird how all of these shops appeared so quickly. If memory serves, even Strombicks and Donkin Dünits took a few years to be (seemingly) everywhere. Not that I mind. This coffee shop is best!
The two locations I have been to so far have looked identical on the inside. They are spacious hexagonal rooms with a big fluffy green chairs and lots of incredibly flat tables. You have to see them for yourself! They are so flat! Sadly, there never seem to be enough tables for everyone who wants one. It’s funny, there are never lines outside, but the inside is always full of people. And the buildings don’t look six-sided on the outside. They must have one really talented interior decorator! I just finished my fifth fantastic cappuccino and now I’m looking at the art on the walls. It’s like nothing I have ever seen! So indescribably artistic! There are colors I didn’t know my eyes were capable of seeing! I can’t quite tell what this painting is supposed to represent, but it takes all my willpower to look away from it and write more.
On second thought, that’s enough writing for today. I’m going to finish drinking these coffees and study this art some more. Look forward to more coffeefanblog soon and never stop dripping!
Coffeefidel

That New Coffee Shop That is Everywhere Pt 1

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Excerpt from Coffeefanblog.com
March 12, 2018
Hello, Coffeefans! I’m Coffeefidel and I started this blog for people like us who love coffee.
I have loved coffee for as long as I can remember and probably before I was born. Most kids hate the taste of coffee, but I drank a sippy cup full of the stuff (decaf of course) every morning. On my ninth birthday, my parents gave me a bag of regular coffee beans, which is still my happiest childhood memory. The other kids thought I was strange, but that was OK. Coffee was my friend and you can’t normally drink your friends, so in many ways, it was better.
As I know you know, the best cup of coffee is a cup you make yourself because you can control every aspect of the production to your own taste. The perfect cup has a different temperature, severity, viscosity, velocity, and flange for every Coffeefan and you can’t trust any Strombicks barista to follow your directions just right. Nonetheless, I like going to coffee shops. Coffee shops are where I do most of my writing and in fact I am in one right now. It’s an interesting new shop that for some reason I can’t remember the name of at the moment. It’s already a big chain with locations all over my city and probably yours (I won’t tell you where I am, but this shop is everywhere). I think I will visit a few more locations before I give them a full review on The Coffeefanblog. I may even resist the urge to bring my own coffee and test theirs. Look forward to that and remember to never stop dripping!
Coffeefidel

This isn’t writer’s block.

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Nor is it love. I don’t think, at least.

I have lots of ideas for how this story will end, but it’s taking a while to sort them and pick the ones that both make sense and I like.

I have a feeling I will end up writing multiple endings and letting readers choose their favorite. But then again, I might not.

Thanks for your your patience and continue maintaining up the excellent function while you wait.

Progress Report on Monster Hunt

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I have returned from my journey in distant lands and since I’ve been back, I’ve identified the monster. With some assistance, I’ve also found how it enters my home every night.

English: The Sando aqua monster was a massive ...

Image via Wikipedia

Was it a small goat? A raccoon? A beaver? Sadly, the truth is much more boring than I expected. It seems to be a mouse or possibly mice and the hole in my wall (which was hidden behind the heating vent) is now patched up with some kind of foam. I’m told it will soon be eaten through as well, but in two weeks, the Pest Controller will stop by with better foam. This kind can also be eaten, but is more poisonous. I do not like poisoning things, but this thing is keeping me awake at night and sleep deprivation can be deadly, so the poison foam will be used for self defense.