Silent Pudding

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Today, I decided that I could fix Christmas music by making it more about figgy pudding. I was almost certainly wrong about that, but I’m going to try it anyway.

 

Silent pudding, holy pudding!

All is figgy, all is else is also figgy.

Round yon Fig, Mother Pudding and Child Pudding.

Holy Pudding so tender and figgy,

Sleep in figgy peace,

Sleep in figgy peace

Silent pudding, holy pudding!

Shepherds quake at the figginess.

Puddings stream from heaven afar

Heavenly figs sing Alleluia,

Figgy Pudding the Savior is born!

Figgy Pudding the Savior is born

Silent pudding, holy pudding!

pudding of Fig love’s pure light.

Radiant puddings from Thy holy fig

With dawn of puddingous grace,

Pudding, Fig at Thy birth

Pudding, Fig at Thy birth

I knew it!

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2009-03-05 Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me! 3

2009-03-05 Wait Wait … Don’t Tell Me! 3 (Photo credit: JanetandPhil)

I just learned from this weeks episode of Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me that “child of pudding” is a common insult in Turkey. In Turkish, it is “muhallebi çocu u” and to me, it is proof that squishy desserts and their offspring are not to be trusted.

 

The Chain Letter of Doom: Part Zero: The Chain Prologue of Beginning

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Rika knew her time was running out. The email had been unambiguous: forward this to 14 people by the 14th of this month to receive 14 free puddings. If you don’t, your dog will explode.

She loved her dog, Cookie, and would not take any chances with the letter’s warning, no matter how unbelievable, ’cause what if?

So she chose her 14 most trusted schoolmates and clicked the ‘forward’ button.

Jell-O brand chocolate pudding

Nothing unusual happened after that.

Rika knew she should have known it was just superstition to believe a chain letter, but there were two things that stood out about this one. First, the number 14. Her 14th birthday was on the 16th of that month. The final day to forward the email was not quite on her birthday, but it was close enough to make her shiver on a warm night in March. Why was March so warm this year? She didn’t know, but she did notice that March was the third month and the number 14 was used three times in the letter, which made it even creepier.

The second weird feature of the email was the promised reward. Pudding was Rika’s favorite food. Her parents only let her eat pudding as a reward for good grades in school and she was usually a poor student, so she had been pudding-deprived for what felt like years. Of course, there were other pudding-sources, but those were harder to find and sometimes hazardous, so she usually avoided them.

Her sweet, spoon-filling daydream faded to the horrible question at the back of her mind: How could the writer of the email know all these things about her?

The Flansman of Roosters Edge (to be read aloud in the dark, softly and accompanied by flan)

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There was a time before this rhymed

in a place called Roosters Edge

I met a man who worshipped flan

and always carried a wedge

He’s making plans for making flans

here in Roosters Edge

This is the time for squeezing limes

but that, he will not pledge

Limes do not bleed the juice that he needs

here in Roosters Edge

The Flansman sees beyond the trees

where there are no bets to hedge

So if you have plans for eating flans

here in Roosters Edge

Be aware that there’s a chair

below the bog just dredged

Flan

Image via Wikipedia