Lack and the Potato Mine: Introduction

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Cover of "Jack and the Beanstalk" fr...

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This unfinished story is my attempt to re-imagine the classic tale of Jack and the Beanstalk.  I don’t actually remember Jack and the Beanstalk very well, but I think I know the basic idea well enough to ‘improve’ upon it.

I will post a little bit at a time, so hopefully it will be finished by the time I’m done posting it.  We will see.

On many things being you

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(read in singsongy voice at mail-sorting room of your local post office)
Be your own baby
you must parent it well
if you teach it all you know
you will grow up swell
you can be your own dinner
but i don’t recommend it
it may make you a winner
but you also might bleed to death
if you are your own cat
you may get confused
if you do catch a rat
have you been used?
If you are many things
many things will be you
we could try to list them all
but we might turn blue

The Saddest Song (sung mournfully with accordion)

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I have bag
that is full of ink
it’s the inkyest bag I know
all that it touches is quickly dyed pink
and to carry it makes me so slow
Why is life like this?
I blame the trees
they gave me this bag and i hate them
i hate them
i hate them
I hate them for giving me this bag
I have a car
that is made of tofu
it’s the tofueyest car around
there isn’t much that it can drive through
it barely can stay on the ground
Why is life like this?
I blame the trees
they gave me this car and i hate them
i hate them
i hate them
I hate them for giving me this car
———-
-harmonica solo-
———-
I have a friend
Who is buried in dust
he’s the dustiest friend you will meet
If he doesn’t climb out before he rusts
He may forget he has feet
Why is life like this?
I blame the trees
they gave me this friend and I hate them
i hate them
i hate them
I hate them for giving me this friend.

Note:  I don’t hate trees.  Trees are the best at what they do.  I just like arbitrary assignments of blame.