Tea Time on Mars


I sit on a wall of boiling leather

and wonder what this roiling weather

means for apple kicking hour

under the tall and ticking tower

that isn’t even a clock.

It’s finally time for the fishes to sink

they’ve had too many knishes to drink

and their buoyancy runs low

regardless of the snow

I can’t see them from the dock.


Summary of The Disappointing Movie I Saw in my Dream


Joke Knuckle is the story of a well-meaning but misguided army officer who tries to spread joy and friendship throughout the American forces in Iraq during the first Gulf War.  After a head injury deemed not serious enough for medical discharge, Joke Knuckle (real name Jerry Kerchestenek) decides that the way to make war more fun for everyone is to punch them in the face.

This turned out to be a horrible idea, especially for the movie’s audience.  There just wasn’t anything funny about JK’s actions.  Other films have used slapstick violence to great comedic effect, but here, they didn’t even try.

It was especially insulting to see JK singlehandedly win the war by punching the guns out of everyone’s hands.  Not only is this historically inaccurate, but even if it had been attempted, it wouldn’t have worked.  Sneaking up on one armed combattant is hard enough without have to worry about doing the same to 300,000 more right after.  Also, guns are made of materials much more solid than human hands and JK’s knuckles would be in too much pain to continue after one or two fistidissarmings.

In summary, this film does not actually exist for a very good reason.  It is far too stupid an idea to have been produced anywhere but my subconscious mind.