Part 4 of Lack and the Potato Mine


Lack could not sleep at all that night.  He loved his parents and had thought they loved him too.

He knew that they loved him less than his long lost brother Wilhelm, but it never mattered much because he had been missing since before Lack was born.

Never had he imagined that they might see him as an emergency food supply.  It was no wonder that they had allowed him to get so porkulent, he thought to himself.

He lay awake and prayed to the pointy stick for help.

Hours passed and so did Lack’s last fragments of hope.  He had almost come to accept his fate when he heard a terrific “B’shoom!” from outside.  He ran to the window and beheld the sound’s origin.  It was a round hole in the earth with smooth sides that appeared to descend forever.

If you saw it, you might be reminded of a manhole with no cover, but such things were not known to Lack.  He was reminded simply of the impossibility of such a hole digging itself all at once in his yard.  He remembered then that it was in the exact spot that he’d left the pointy stick the night before.

He wanted an escape and here it was!

The only challenge would be to get outside without waking Mother or Father.


Advice for living long without lasers


living with lasers
may leave you limbless

and licking a leopard
might too

losing a lagomorph
won’t do much harm

unless you require a stew.

The American Pika's cryptic coloration helps i...

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Lack and the Potato Mine part 2


Lack begged and begged, but they would not listen, so he fell into a deep and unceasing sadness.  Potatoes would exist for Lack only in dreams, so he dreamed as much as he could, waking only when forced.

One day, Lack’s mother sent him to the nearby peasant village of Umbleheim to get some meat.  As fat and slow as Lack was, his parents were even fatter and slower.  He hoped that maybe he would find a potato on this errand, so he agreed to go.

As he walked, he hummed his favorite song, the Lumbery Sea and Me, and the trip to the village flew by like like a flying thing that flies quickly.  He had never been to the sea and didn’t know if it was lumbery or not, but he had always liked that song.

He spotted a delicious-looking peasant almost immediately and cast his peasant net.  The little old man (which it was) did not struggle, but looked at Lack without fear and said,

“My nem is Otch and ye will release me now cussai hev a thing ye want!”

Lack was thrilled.  “You have potatoes?”

“It’s be’er than potatoes!  I’ve a magically pointy stick. En ye ken have it!”

“Why would I want a pointy stick?” he asked confusedly.

“Ye stick it in’der ground before ye sleep and it grows inta whatever ya like!”

“Jaggity wintersheep, that sounds great!  Give it to me.”

And so, the net was emptied and packed away with the magically pointy stick while the old peasant named Otch skipped away, quietly chortling to himself.

Murdersocks: Chapter 2: In which time passes most murderously

Common Ravens (Corvus corax) at the Tower of L...

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It would be unnecessarry and possibly insulting to you, doomed reader, to recount the rest of that fatefully murderous first day.  You won’t be surprised to learn, I hope, that it was full of murder.  We (the Socks and I) murdered every man, woman, child, and animal we came accross from then on.  Oddly enough, the only thing that was left unmurdered was a group of crows I passed on the way home.
Every murder, as in the incidents I have described, took place during the course of an instantaneous flash and was preceded by the same murderous glow.
This was very exciting at first, though always a bit unpleasant.  I had never been murdered before (at that time) and didn’t know what it was like, but I knew it must be even less fun for the victims than for myself.  It always happened so fast that it couldn’t have been all that painful, but death was death and murder was definitely a kind of death.  I tried not to think about it too much.


Concept for Possible Use in Something Later: Sloth People

The Sloth People are not actually related to sloths or people, but are so named because they act somewhat like both.  Like sloths, they spend much of their time eating, climbing, and sleeping in trees.  Like humans, they have the capacity for communicating verbally.  They think mostly about the daily needs of their slothful lives, but in all the time they spend resting, much deep philosophical pondering occurs.  Such big ideas are expressed via complicated metaphors involving food and sleep.
Useful phrases for travelers:
I like this tree.
Uh yit anch
I = uh
like = yit
tree = anch
this = no equivilent; specified only by context
Are you tired?
Eh phtu hi
you = eh
tired = phtu
? = hi
We should sleep in that tree
Uheh phtut anch ya
We = I and You = uheh
sleep = verb form of tired = phtut
In/at/[location] = ya
I don’t like this food.
Uh moyit ulch
negation = mo
food = ulch
Don’t eat that!
Eh mo-ulcht ulch bin
eat = verb form of food = ulcht
! = bin
You don’t like when I sleep on the food, do you?
Eh moyit uh phtut ulch ya hi
I hate when you sleep on the food!
Uh moyit eh phtut ulch ya bin
This is my tree!
Anch eh-anch bin