Opinion: If Pokémon Apokélypse were a real film, it would be the best thing ever

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You may form your own opinion on this, but if it does not agree with this post’s title, it is wrong.  I saw this movie in a dream back when I played the first Pokémon game 14 years ago.  I knew as soon as I woke up that it was a completely ridiculous idea, but this fake trailer proves that it was also the best.

Summary of The Disappointing Movie I Saw in my Dream

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Joke Knuckle is the story of a well-meaning but misguided army officer who tries to spread joy and friendship throughout the American forces in Iraq during the first Gulf War.  After a head injury deemed not serious enough for medical discharge, Joke Knuckle (real name Jerry Kerchestenek) decides that the way to make war more fun for everyone is to punch them in the face.

This turned out to be a horrible idea, especially for the movie’s audience.  There just wasn’t anything funny about JK’s actions.  Other films have used slapstick violence to great comedic effect, but here, they didn’t even try.

It was especially insulting to see JK singlehandedly win the war by punching the guns out of everyone’s hands.  Not only is this historically inaccurate, but even if it had been attempted, it wouldn’t have worked.  Sneaking up on one armed combattant is hard enough without have to worry about doing the same to 300,000 more right after.  Also, guns are made of materials much more solid than human hands and JK’s knuckles would be in too much pain to continue after one or two fistidissarmings.

In summary, this film does not actually exist for a very good reason.  It is far too stupid an idea to have been produced anywhere but my subconscious mind.

Review of my dream last night #2

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Cinema 4 at HOYTS, Forest Hill Shopping Centre...

Image via Wikipedia

I usually don’t remember any of my dreams, but I remember what I was doing just before I woke up this morning.

I was in a movie theater watching a war movie called Joke Knuckle. I don’t usually like movies about war or movies with horrible titles, so I think it was chosen by whoever I was with.  I think they thought it would be a comedy, but it was completely grim and serious and also generally not very good.  If you see this film playing in your dreams tonight, I recommend not seeing it.

3/10