That New Coffee Shop That is Everywhere Pt3

Hello again Coffeefans! I’ve been spending so much time at that new chain (what’s it called again?) that I might not be able to write about it objectively for much longer, so today, I’m writing from an old favorite place, Donkin Dünits. Their coffee is not nearly as good, so I sneak in my own precision-calibrated backpack brewer. I do still love their dünits, which remind of the coffee pilgrimage I made to Antarctica (the secret Coffeemecca)  one summer in high school. There is truly nothing like an authentic Antarctic dünit, but these are close.
Sorry for the digression, I am here today to answer reader questions and comments. These were mostly emailed to me or taken from the comment section below every post on this very Coffeefanblog:
Oh Great Coffeefidel,
You are the best coffeeblogger on all the nets. You are clearly holding back much of your vast and cofficerent coffeeknowledge and that makes me sad. Why do you not teach us how to make the best coffee, which you obviously know how to make?
-Anonymous Bob
Thanks for the kind words, Anonymous Bob. It is true that I know the secrets of making the best coffee. I have been distracted lately, but I will get around to sharing them eventually, I promise!
want to try n00 coffee shop
cant find it
is real????
I don’t know why you aren’t finding it, XR82777. There really seems to be one on every block in [city] and I know they have them in other places too. I read it on a sign in one of their shops (and the others too). I apologize for not giving you the name. I just can’t seem to remember it!
How can I become a duck?
You cannot become a duck.
Hi Coffeefidel,
I haven’t seen this new coffee chain yet, but you make it sound like a great place. What are the ceilings like? People never look up and sometimes there are some great things there.
-Ceiling Fan
That is a good suggestion, Ceiling Fan.  Will look at the ceiling next time and blog all about it! I’m thinking of going to one of their shops in another town next time, but it will probably be similar.
Hey You,
I recognize your blogging style and I know who you are! You are Horseshoehenrik from the Horseshoefanblog that hasn’t been updated since 2015. The Horseshoesphere wondered what happened to you for ages until a rumor emerged that you had been kicked in the head by too many horses and were no longer mentally fit to blog. It’s good to see that the rumor was false! Welcome back.
Good detective work, ShoeBetsy. I indeed once blogged about horseshoes as Horseshoehenrik. Head-kickings by horses were the reason I stopped doing that as that rumor suggests, but I have recovered completely and now blog again! About coffee! I think it was drinking coffee that helped me heal the most. Do not worry about my health nor my ability to perceive reality! I am well! I am Coffeefidel!
The moment we stop dripping is the moment that we start dying our teeth white in vain hopes of reversing the stain of truth
Yes, this is exactly what I have always thought on the subject.

Aftersocks: Part 3: In which a vague figure becomes less-so


The considerable, but not too considerable, length of time that passed between leaving the bench and meeting the vague figure was uneventful. The ground remained flat and unmoist and the air remained thick and also unmoist. Tragically, for she had become a loyal friend, Thrumplestance appeared more and more delicious with every step I took and I decided to eat her. I would carve her into bite-sized donkey nuggets at the next resting point, which was near the vague figure.

Thank Bog, I never had to that.

The figure, no longer vague, was an old man. I did not eat him either, but started a conversation.

“Greetings, Formerly Vague Figure, why have you been standing in this spot for so long and what is it that you do while standing here?” I inquired.

“I am a pious Flaninite doing his sacred duties. We must all travel to remote and unmoist location three days into our 72nd year to juggle flans for a considerable length of time. So says The Flansman.”

“What are flans, old friend? And who is this Flansman?” I said.


Flan (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“You may call me Wilbert, for that is my name. As for your questions, flan is much like pudding. It has become a local specialty of Rooster’s Edge ever since The Flansman arrived long ago. It is the fervent wish of all Flaninites that his teachings and desserts spread throughout the land and grow as would mushrooms.” I observed a glow of absolute conviction in his mustache and eyebrows, which somehow did not interfere with his juggling.

“Wilbert, you have shown me the truth and I wish to join your cause. I am Jephrold and this is Thrumplestance,” I said. “We have traveled far for a considerable length of time. May I have some flan to eat.?”

“You may indeed. It is the will of Flan that flan be shared with hungry travelers.” He raised one knee to catch one of the flying gelatinous masses and motioned for me to take it. I cautiously took a bit and found that it was flantastic and filled me with flantescent wholesomeness. I later learned that it was mostly sugar, but the effect remained powerful.

“Thanks for this kindness, Flaninite Wilbert,” I said, “We will now continue our journey to Rooster’s Edge. Hopefully, we will meet again.”

“If Flan wills it, yes,” was his response and returned his attention to his sacred task. He had never stopped juggling, but until now, he was not watching it, which seemed to make no difference. It looked however, that it mattered to him. He seemed to be silently talking with the flying holy globs as I left him and continued east.

The bench on which I write this is what I found some considerable length of time after abandoning the Formerly Vague Flaninite and by my estimate 42 seconds from entering the town. Great things were surely to be found here.