The Best Song Written about Cat Food This Month So Far by Anyone

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Capital letters mean emphasis; more letters mean longer sound

Caaat FOOD
Is a food for cats
And they eat this FOOD
Although it’s not rats

Caaat FOOD
is eaten by cats
And they won’t say thanks
‘Cause cats don’t do that

caaat FOOOOD!

It’s just long enough a cat food commercial

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Massachusetts (A song for two puppets)

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Monotone speaking puppet:
Massachusetts is a state that there are not many songs about. So here is a song about Massachusetts.
 –
Super enthusiastic loud yelling/singing puppet:
Massachusetts!
It is a state!
It is massive! And sets what it chews!
On the east coast!
Of North America!
 –
Yeahhhhh!
 –
Massachusetts!
Has lots of people!
They all live in it!
And some are puppets!
We live here too
 –
Yeahhhh!!
 –
Monotone speaking puppet:
The weather is really unpredictable and there’s nothing to do outside the city unless you like sports and beaches. And eating clams.
 –
Super enthusiastic loud yelling/singing puppet:
Massachusetts!
There are beaches!
And lots of sports!
It’s wicked awesome!
We just eat clams! Delicious clams!
Yeahhhh!
 –
All:
Massachusetts

A song for Tardigrades

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to be read with great enthusiasm by early 80’s rock band

Echiniscus_L

Tardigrade!
You are wet, but you are not a beeeeaaar
Tardigrade!
You are mossy, but you’re not a piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig
Tardigrade!
And probably not a very good peeeeet
[drum solo]
Tardigrade!
You can live almost anywhere
Tardigrade!
Like volcanos and icebergs and even in spaaaaace
Tardigrade!
You got good grades ‘cause you were never tardyyyyy
Tardigrade!
You are half a millimeter at moooooost
Tardigrade!
And for you, I wrote a very short soooong
Tardigrade!
(the best animal)
Tardigrade!
(probably not a very good pet)
Tardigrade!
(has eight legs)
Tardigrade!
(cryptobiosis)
Tardigrade.

The Worst Campfire Song: Part 2

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banjo or ukelele accompaniment recommended, but optional

If I were a haberdasher
I would dash habers
and those habers would be dashed

If I were a haberdasher dasher
I would dash haberdashers
and those haberdashers would be be dashed

[repeat until bored, adding 1 “dasher” where appropriate with each repetition]

Goodbye Wald

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I no longer live in the obstreperous wald

 

and I’ve probably remembered it wrong

 

few of my neighbors today are not bald

 

and they write much better songs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TSoAPE theme song (continued from last post)

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I have been standing for four daaaaays

Yeeees it is the SLOWWEESST EELEVATTOOR

fiddle fiddle fiddle

Bösendorfer Flügel Modell 214sp (schwarz polie...

Image via Wikipedia

But why? Where am I going?

Because it is the SLOWWEESST EELEVATTOOR and I don’t KNOOOOW

fiddle fiddle fiddle

What should I do here?

You can REEEEAAAAD

Whaaaaaaat?

The stuff on these WAAAALLLS

fiddle fiddle fiddle

Because it is the SLOWWEESST EELEVATTOOR

fiddle fiddle fiddle

thanks this really does help pass the tiiiiiiiiiiiime

Yes I know.

It’s because it is the SLOWWEESST EELEVATTOOR

fiddle fiddle fiddle

[doors open on the same floor]

fiddle fiddle fiddle exploding piano

TSoAPE theme song (for two voices and one electric fiddle)

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Author Ben Heaney, specially prepared for Wiki...

Image via Wikipedia

You see a door

what kind of door?

A sliding door

And when it opens,

You go in

Why do I go in?

It doesn’t matter

Ok. I will

(electric fiddle solo builds tension)

You are inside

I am inside

Yes I just saaaiiid that.

Where are the buttons?

There are no buttons.

I want to leeeeaaaave!

The door is clooosed now

Now what?

Find out tomorrow!