Recipe for Ultimate Truth (As dictated by my pet fish)

One boat full of toads
And two stoats that build roads
Blend with thistle and pork
And eight minutes of work
Gargle precisely and then paint on knees haphazardly.

The Legend of Shreena the Shrimp Wizard – part 1


Fire shrimp are so named because they are red and so is fire. They are also sometimes called blood shrimp for the same reason. Telling you this was probably unnecessary because you already know that shrimp and fire have nothing to do with each other. This is just common sense and is generally true. Also true is the fact that common sense is sometimes wrong. Such was the case with Shreena the Shrimp Wizard.

Shreena was born 400 shrimp-years ago in Switzerland, under a rock. She hatched from her egg along with some number of siblings, though unfortunately, shrimp historians cannot count and no one knows what that number was. What is known is that none of them had names as was the tradition in that fire shrimp family. Shreena would later name herself, but that part of the story comes later.

Tea Time on Mars


I sit on a wall of boiling leather

and wonder what this roiling weather

means for apple kicking hour

under the tall and ticking tower

that isn’t even a clock.

It’s finally time for the fishes to sink

they’ve had too many knishes to drink

and their buoyancy runs low

regardless of the snow

I can’t see them from the dock.

Terrible Terrence the Talking Tern

Crested Tern (Thalasseus bergii), in breeding ...

probably not Terrence

Terrible Terrence the talking tern

yearned for more codfish than he could earn

what made him terrible?  That, you’ll soon learn

Terrible Terrence the talking tern

Terrible Terrence the talking tern

Wished he could make the ocean burn

When did he talk?  That, you’ll soon learn

Terrible Terrence the talking tern

Terrible Terrence the talking tern

said “This is over, so let’s adjourn”

Was he really a tern?  That, you’ll never learn

Terrible Terrence the talking tern