The Best Song Written about Cat Food This Month So Far by Anyone

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Capital letters mean emphasis; more letters mean longer sound

Caaat FOOD
Is a food for cats
And they eat this FOOD
Although it’s not rats

Caaat FOOD
is eaten by cats
And they won’t say thanks
‘Cause cats don’t do that

caaat FOOOOD!

It’s just long enough a cat food commercial

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Massachusetts (A song for two puppets)

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Monotone speaking puppet:
Massachusetts is a state that there are not many songs about. So here is a song about Massachusetts.
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Super enthusiastic loud yelling/singing puppet:
Massachusetts!
It is a state!
It is massive! And sets what it chews!
On the east coast!
Of North America!
 –
Yeahhhhh!
 –
Massachusetts!
Has lots of people!
They all live in it!
And some are puppets!
We live here too
 –
Yeahhhh!!
 –
Monotone speaking puppet:
The weather is really unpredictable and there’s nothing to do outside the city unless you like sports and beaches. And eating clams.
 –
Super enthusiastic loud yelling/singing puppet:
Massachusetts!
There are beaches!
And lots of sports!
It’s wicked awesome!
We just eat clams! Delicious clams!
Yeahhhh!
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All:
Massachusetts

A poem for tired mornings

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If I were a box
I would be full of space
and that space would be
faster than Gary.
I don’t know any Garys
but I think it’s still true
that this space would be really quite fast.
It would swim with the camels
and cry with the bees
it would paint with enamel
and argue with fleas.
except that space does none of those things.

Silent Pudding

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Today, I decided that I could fix Christmas music by making it more about figgy pudding. I was almost certainly wrong about that, but I’m going to try it anyway.

 

Silent pudding, holy pudding!

All is figgy, all is else is also figgy.

Round yon Fig, Mother Pudding and Child Pudding.

Holy Pudding so tender and figgy,

Sleep in figgy peace,

Sleep in figgy peace

Silent pudding, holy pudding!

Shepherds quake at the figginess.

Puddings stream from heaven afar

Heavenly figs sing Alleluia,

Figgy Pudding the Savior is born!

Figgy Pudding the Savior is born

Silent pudding, holy pudding!

pudding of Fig love’s pure light.

Radiant puddings from Thy holy fig

With dawn of puddingous grace,

Pudding, Fig at Thy birth

Pudding, Fig at Thy birth