The Best Song Written about Cat Food This Month So Far by Anyone

Capital letters mean emphasis; more letters mean longer sound

Caaat FOOD
Is a food for cats
And they eat this FOOD
Although it’s not rats

Caaat FOOD
is eaten by cats
And they won’t say thanks
‘Cause cats don’t do that

caaat FOOOOD!

It’s just long enough a cat food commercial

Massachusetts (A song for two puppets)

Monotone speaking puppet:

Massachusetts is a state that there are not many songs about. So here is a song about Massachusetts.

 –

Super enthusiastic loud yelling/singing puppet:

Massachusetts!

It is a state!

It is massive! And sets what it chews!

On the east coast!

Of North America!

 –

Yeahhhhh!

 –

–

Massachusetts!

Has lots of people!

They all live in it!

And some are puppets!

We live here too

 –

Yeahhhh!!

 –

Monotone speaking puppet:

The weather is really unpredictable and there’s nothing to do outside the city unless you like sports and beaches. And eating clams.

 –

Super enthusiastic loud yelling/singing puppet:

Massachusetts!

There are beaches!

And lots of sports!

It’s wicked awesome!

We just eat clams! Delicious clams!

–

Yeahhhh!

 –

All:

Massachusetts

What the Oint Meant

Why does no one ask what the Oint meant?

Yes, it helped heal your sun burn

but was that what it intended to do?

what it really wanted?

Maybe the Oint was trying to teach you Swahili

or maybe eat you

We don’t ask the Oint

So we just don’t know

A poem for tired mornings

If I were a box

I would be full of space

and that space would be

faster than Gary.

I don’t know any Garys

but I think it’s still true

that this space would be really quite fast.

It would swim with the camels

and cry with the bees

it would paint with enamel

and argue with fleas.

except that space does none of those things.

Silent Pudding

Today, I decided that I could fix Christmas music by making it more about figgy pudding. I was almost certainly wrong about that, but I’m going to try it anyway.

 

Silent pudding, holy pudding!

All is figgy, all is else is also figgy.

Round yon Fig, Mother Pudding and Child Pudding.

Holy Pudding so tender and figgy,

Sleep in figgy peace,

Sleep in figgy peace

Silent pudding, holy pudding!

Shepherds quake at the figginess.

Puddings stream from heaven afar

Heavenly figs sing Alleluia,

Figgy Pudding the Savior is born!

Figgy Pudding the Savior is born

Silent pudding, holy pudding!

pudding of Fig love’s pure light.

Radiant puddings from Thy holy fig

With dawn of puddingous grace,

Pudding, Fig at Thy birth

Pudding, Fig at Thy birth

Recipe for Ultimate Truth (As dictated by my pet fish)

One boat full of toads

And two stoats that build roads

Blend with thistle and pork

And eight minutes of work

Gargle precisely and then paint on knees haphazardly.

Sidewalk chicken leg

the sidewalk chicken leg

does not have a body

The sidewalk chicken leg

does not know karate

the sidewalk is tired of chicken and thinks it will have something different for lunch tomorrow. 

Accidentally poetic email spam I received this morning

Psalm mountain josiah grabbed the last.
Come across his hawken in these were.
Sni� ed her question about.
Light the hide with emma.

The Tomatoey Sphere

The Tomatoey Sphere will only appear

to those who fear tomatoes

it’s red and it floats and it’s mostly clear

and it wishes the salad was you

Skylight Haiku

Clear sky just sits there
It could at least be warmer
Instead, it is not