Lack could not sleep at all that night. He loved his parents and had thought they loved him too.
He knew that they loved him less than his long lost brother Wilhelm, but it never mattered much because he had been missing since before Lack was born.
Never had he imagined that they might see him as an emergency food supply. It was no wonder that they had allowed him to get so porkulent, he thought to himself.
He lay awake and prayed to the pointy stick for help.
Hours passed and so did Lack’s last fragments of hope. He had almost come to accept his fate when he heard a terrific “B’shoom!” from outside. He ran to the window and beheld the sound’s origin. It was a round hole in the earth with smooth sides that appeared to descend forever.
If you saw it, you might be reminded of a manhole with no cover, but such things were not known to Lack. He was reminded simply of the impossibility of such a hole digging itself all at once in his yard. He remembered then that it was in the exact spot that he’d left the pointy stick the night before.
He wanted an escape and here it was!
The only challenge would be to get outside without waking Mother or Father.
The interrobang is a woefully underused punctuation mark. It has all the uncertainty of the question mark and all the excitement of the exclamation mark combined into a single character. It is the solution to at least a third of the world’s greatest problems.
This is something I started writing about a year ago when I was bored. It isn’t nearly finished, but I think I’m going to share it here because you’re probably bored too. I will post one paragraph each day until either the story ends or I die.
You are wrong. I’m generally open-minded about things like this, but there’s no way I could consider what you’re suggesting. I’m sure you would understand if you had thought about it at all, but you clearly haven’t, so I’ll explain myself.
1. The average pig is not nearly tall enough.
2. Where would you find that much helium?
3. How can you know for sure that it will rain on the 17th?
4. Why is this even a good idea?
If you can answer all of these questions satisfactorily, then I may reverse my position. Until then, I’m not helping.